Na'imah Tajah Mitchell

*Warning: These are explicit, but hilarious. Of course, that’s not going to stop you from reading them, right?

Tale #1 Sew, Jane, sew.
Jane can sew!
See Jane sew.
Oh Dick, Dick, Dick!
Jane said, “Where’s my needle, Dick?”
Dick said, “What did you call me, bitch?”
Jane said, “Needle dick.”
Dick said, “Needle dick? Needle dick?
Hell I have a hypodermic dick!!”
Jane said, “Hypodermic or hippopotamus?”
Dick said, “I’m not sure.”
Jane said, “I’ll call you Needledick, Dick.”
Oh no! That Sucks!
That’s NO fun!
No fun with Dick and Jane

Tale #2 Dick said, “Look, Jane, look! See, Jane, see! It’s all natural, Sis! It promotes healthy erectile function! It’s a tested formula! I got it on the Internet! I’ll have my vigor back and improved sexual performance! Grrrrr! It’ll put fire back into my lovemaking!”

Jane said, “Yeah, asshole. Now all you need is a girlfriend, Bro. That vinyl blow-up doll in your bedroom doesn’t give a rat’s ass about your sexual performance.”

Dick said “Oh, no! That sucks!” That’s NO fun! No fun with Dick and Jane.

Tale #3 Look, look, Jane, see, see! It’s a newspaper job ad that is meant for me! I hate that boss what fired me for pissing in the coffee pot, see? I lost my self-esteem, I lost my ego, I lost my will to masturbate. The ad says I, too, can be a plumber if I go to plumber’s school. I’ll proceed at my own rate. I can plunge with the best of them,” said Dick.

Jane said, “You’re out of your f’ing mind. Your only qualification is an ass crack, and believe me, I never want to see that. But I see your face, so what’s the difference, Dick?”

Two weeks later Dick and Jane are waiting with fetid breath at the International Brotherhood of Plumbers and Pipefitters graduation.

Dick said, “Jane, I’m going to graduate with honors. Summa cum Plumba! I’ll be the Grand Plumba!” Jane said, “I bet you win the ass crack award.”

The Dean said, “Dick, you got a A+ in ass crackery, but you failed the course! Summa cum idiot. Now don’t ever darken our doors again. And take that plunger off your face! Now let’s all sing “You Raise Me Up by Josh Groben. Hit it! Hey Dick, you’re not raisin’ with us.” Jane said, “That was predictable.” Dick said, “My career is ruined!? Oh, no! That Sucks!” That’s NO fun with Dick and Jane.

Tale #4 Look. Look. See. See. Go, Dick, go. Pee. Pee. Pee. Pee. Watch Dick pee. Pee, Dick, pee. See Dick pee. Dick can’t pee! Pee. Dribble. Pee. Drip.

Not so fast. Dick can’t pee! Oh, my God, Dick got prostate disease. Oh, no! That Sucks! That’s NO fun! No fun with Dick and Jane.

Tale #5 Oh, Dick. Oh, oh, oh. Dick has a head! See Dick’s head. Look, look, look. Look at Dick’s head. Dick head, dick head, dickhead! Dick doesn’t want to be a dickhead. Do you want to be a dickhead? Oh, no! That Sucks! No one wants to be a dickhead. That’s NO fun! No fun with Dick and Jane.

Tale #6 Dick said, “Spot, get the fuck out of the double wide!” Jane said, “Now! And quit licking your ass!” Spot said, “Woof! I’ll go see Scooter.” Play, Spot, play. Play with Scooter. See Scooter scoot! Scoot, Scooter, scoot! Scooter can scoot! Itch, itch, itch. Ass itch! Scooter has tapeworms! That’s why he’s draggin’ ass. Now Spot does, too. Could Dick be next? Oh, no! That Sucks! That’s NO fun! No fun with Dick and Jane.

Stories Credit: http://thatsucks.net/dicknjane.html

I found this photo via FuckYeahAds, and decided to create a new post about it. Odd, you’re probably thinking. I can’t disagree with you there. Honestly, it’s pretty creative, the artist cleverly painting it in a parking lot to give a visual perception of the hands ‘holding’ the cars. It’s appealing, but not as persuasive. Something about this ad just doesn’t shout ‘Hey, let’s go out and buy some matchbox cars!’ It’s pretty cool, but more than likely you wouldn’t notice it until you actually walked back to get in your car.

Amazingly, I’ve noticed that I’ve been updating this site more from school rather than from home. About 15 minutes into lunch, I’ll just get up, approach the library, and ‘reserve’ myself a computer for the time being. I check my e-mail, check to see if I have any homework due, and then I’ll check my blog and oftentimes, post more. It is indeed a habit, yes, and I’m still trying to embrace the fact that I’ve actually been doing this: In a public school library during lunchtime, where everyone can just walk by and see my thoughts and ideas. Well, it’s definitely helped me to reach a respectable level of Tumblarity on this site. I have been attracting readers, forcing me to post more, which is a little tricky because of my busy weekday schedule. This is my first ‘blog’ on my home computer in a while now. Thank God, because I find it much easier to blog from home, where I can think and I don’t have to worry about whether or not I’ll turn in my 7th period assignment, for instance.

I never thought I’d do this, but I’m posting a blog entry from school. I’m supposed to be at lunch right now, but look at me, sitting up here on the computer typing, with absolutely nothing to do. I don’t even have a clue what to write about. I guess I’m just writing to be, writing. These girls next to me are just typing away, so I guess I’d just come here and go all type crazy like them. Actually, it’s doing a better good for me because hey, at least its going to increase my typing skills

Just today, I figured out what to do with my future. I’d like to get a master’s degree in english or writing. I just noticed that I have an expanded vocabulary and I’m good at spelling and writing, so why not have at it? Okay, I guess I’ll close this now, because I’m running out of things to write about.

Naimah Mitchell
5th Period Lunch
1/5/2010 

I thought I’d share a couple of famous New Year’s quotes I found with you. JTLYK, I have no idea who any of these people are except of course Jay Leno and Oprah Winfrey,

Joey Adams
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!

Bill Vaughan
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

Jay Leno
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.

P. J. O’Rourke
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.

Charles Lamb
New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.

Oprah Winfrey
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

Mark Twain
New Year’s Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Judith Crist
Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.

Anonymous
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.

For some time now, I’ve been hearing about the 4-piece hiphop/screamo band Brokencyde, and I never really paid any attention to them. I’ve been reading all over the internet how people are dubbing them the worst band ever because they mix screams and hip-hop together.

I don’t know why, but before hearing any of their music, I just thought they were on the lines of Dashboard Confessional. a band that I hate by the way. So I never bothered looking them up.

So, I fathered up the nerve to go check out their music. My first thoughts on the were, well they ‘re just your typical scene kids producing crunk music. Then I looked up their pictures. Colorful hair, colorful clothes, colorful-colors; they immediately reminded me of 2 bands- Dot Dot Curve definitely, and then Cash Cash. I couldn’t bear watching their video for “Freaxxx” however. So it took me a minute to think, “Why does everybody hate them so much?” And I read a couple of the rants. I know that you can’t base your opinion of someone upon what someone else says, but I read these because I wanted to see exactly why.

Edit: Okay, all I can say about these cats are that personally, I don’t like them. And that only holds true because I watched one of their videos, the name of which I forgotten and never bothered to know, on Music Choice. It seems as if nearly ANY band these days can create any type of terrible music that the teenage population will love and their popularity skyrockets. I never understood this.